Dec. 26th

I placed you in a box
labeled it and put it in the closet,
these days pictures
seem more like hauntings
and memories seem more like
wounds.

We wore santa hats on christmas
and pretended that family
poker was the only game
we played. Throwing
chips and lives making sure
that one of us where all in.

It was your smile that brought me
back. The one you
share with me when
we both felt like shit.
There is something that only family
can do to you and we forget
how much pain we are in.

Days seem less like fullness
and more like hours that
tick themselves away like notches
on bed posts. I am jealous of
you certainty and your waking
for baby boys and magical girls.

But I love you. I am sorry that
I cant make me or you feel better.
but I am here still. I love you.