Dec. 26th

I placed you in a box
labeled it and put it in the closet,
these days pictures
seem more like hauntings
and memories seem more like
wounds.

We wore santa hats on christmas
and pretended that family
poker was the only game
we played. Throwing
chips and lives making sure
that one of us where all in.

It was your smile that brought me
back. The one you
share with me when
we both felt like shit.
There is something that only family
can do to you and we forget
how much pain we are in.

Days seem less like fullness
and more like hours that
tick themselves away like notches
on bed posts. I am jealous of
you certainty and your waking
for baby boys and magical girls.

But I love you. I am sorry that
I cant make me or you feel better.
but I am here still. I love you.

untitled December 18,2008

There is no safety in my arms;
I cant make you full and satisfied.
With eyes that climb your throat, nose and cheeks
still stopping to glance at the water glass across the room.


Before I reach your forehead
the self conscious comma inserts
itself in my breath and
I worry that you
will find me too wild or too settled;
too shy or too feverish
in my inclinations to speak, live,
or open my lungs to truth.

An apprehension paints my eyes
as if they make a tattle tale
of the doubt I daily pick up from
my flannel pillow.

Next,the exclamation point
disperses between us as if to say
"I think we missed the point"
Milliseconds after you are done with me
I whisper to the sediment in the corners of my heart...
I named it God.

No matter.
If you forget my name,
my stomach will still
vacantly burst
for those who can not speak "remember"

We have all but abandoned
semicolons and the houses of our childhood.
Yet my spirit will hover
over the polished handles
of back entrances and bathroom mirrors.

My first crush was truth
not unlike you
with all its abuse, disappointment and
confusion...
it made a broken piggy bank of my mind.

Memories rest in piles like money in vaults.
You, as pointless as a penny, make bright
noises that sound like hollow fallings
off Lego buildings... onto sidewalks and trees

Lets pretend I am that
white oak tree
out the basement window
inhaling
carbon dioxide as a fear
exhaling
oxygen as freedom
to boys that pass by
dragging the shadows too heavy
for their imagination.

Another offering to make up for lost time

you drank sky
with your orange juice
said it wakes up your mind
and calms your body...

words collapse from your
tongue as clumsy as make shift cots
creaking or breaking when we least expect them to.

the bottle is never to far
from your
orange juice,coffee or tea
...screw driver
Irish java
or Indian chai

You drowned out the taste of life
with drops of ethynol
singing to the corn
up and down the furrows
a vagabond of dirt and well meanings
in fields where you planted your life.

You drink sky
with your Kool aid
said it makes memories sweeter
or makes you forget.

words roll from your lips
falling down your chest to the floor
like runaway marbles catching in the crevices of the floor boards.



You dont make memories any
more
falling asleep in the easy chair
mouth open catching loose atoms
on your tongue.

The morning will come and the sky will still burn in your throat.

So I kinda failed at this poem a day thing....

I tried but things got too stressful so here is what I have for you now.

---------------------------------------------------
I will keep my shoes and you keep your promises
lets not pretend
you have followed me for any particular reason.
you kept repeating "what is it about you?"
"how do you do what you do to me?"

I have no answer for you...instead
I gently graze your face
with the tips of my fingers....maybe I can change
your face to something that resembles selflessness.

Something that would kiss me
and tell me not to call again for my own good.
While you slept next to me
I thought of slogans for an ad. campaign
to motivate me to leave your arms.

nothing significant came to mind
and my guilt wrote me love letters on the inside of my eyelids.